It definitely isn’t a catalyst for relationships. I’ve heard people say,”Love conquers everything” ,I say no,because it’s the most toxic narrative taught to us to excuse everything wrong because love will surface them all and bring back things to normal.Love is supposed to conquer poverty,infidelity,relationship troubles,abuse,manipulation and every nasty behaviors excused in the name of love.I’ve seen parents say” I did beat you because I love you” ,how painful is love supposed to be therefore? Toxic partners and friends excuse gross behavior in the name of love…”oh,i did this to you because i loved you,if it were not for the love i have for you things would have been different” .This tones down to why struggle love is normalized,for as long as love is there,it will mend and fix all the mediocre things that could unfold.
I was listening to Justin Bieber’s- “As long as you love me” and i realized how love is supposed to carry all the burdens. I felt it when he said,as long as you love me,we can be homeless,we can be broke. Love is supposed to be beautiful,it should not be put on a weighing scale to prove how much it can fathom. How painful should love be to stand the test of time,to stand poverty,for better for worse?
Love definitely fades and its not the saving grace of relationships. Down times in relationships are a common thing. One day,you wake up and you don’t feel the meltdown of emotions that come with love because it’s not a constant thing,hence requires alot of re-assurance,affirmation and efforts. Bad days make it hard for love to suffice,that is why actions carry the better part of it than words. A person that proves their love for you in actions is better than one that keeps giving empty promises full of words.
This is not to excuse struggle love which is normally taught to women,black women especially. They are taught that the ultimate proof of love is how much one can perservere,tolerate and keep up with when it comes to relationships and friendships.They are indoctrinated to always stay in abusive and unpleasant situations because that is what love’s about.They are always taught to be forgiving because love knows no bounds and don’t hold spaces for hate. Love is normally negotiated with weariness,to accomodate everything that comes with it,but at the end of it all,it fades and it fosters the opposite. Brings in fracas,harbors hate,self esteem issues,for while it was supposed to bring happiness,it actually creates a somberness.
Love therefore should uphold dignity and happiness,not struggle and pain.Love should make people happy but not make them doubt their worth.Love should bring people together out of goodness,but not out of circumstances. Love should come from a ray of positiveness,but not a glare of always being negative.Love should be a beautiful thing that should be upheld without conditions. Love should come natural and not forced. At the end of it all,forceful and struggle love fades and it breeds the opposite of love,hate.
purenicenes 