Unhealthy people will hate it when you have boundaries. They like boundary less people because it’s easy to manipulate them or act controlling and sometimes victimize themselves just to avoid boundaries.
When i understood the meaning of boundaries and finally begun practising them,i lost a bunch of people who took it too personal as if it was about them. They begun acting weird because there were several things that had to change and they took it restrictively,but the hard truth is;if a relationship ends because you set a boundary,it is a sign of something bigger than you setting a boundary;the foundation was cracked. The foundation was a boundary-less relationship that anyone had a through pass to you.
People that don’t have boundaries might fail to understand what boundary means;it’s risking to disappoint others while you have the courage to love yourself. Forming boundaries means practising self love and not betraying yourself by letting others to destroy you. Boundaries aren’t about trying to control someone or make them change. Boundaries are about establishing how you want to be treated,self preservation in a chaotic or dangerous environment,and a path of healthy relationships.
However,boundary violators will be mad at you for forming boundaries. They hate it so much that you have boundaries hence will make you feel like you are forming grudges and will hold it against you. They will try to act like they are okay with your boundaries one time to earn your approval but will turn against you the next because it’s not their thing to respect your boundaries. They will make you feel like you have set the bar too high that you can no longer accomodate them. They will guilt trip you for having boundaries anyways.
Setting boundaries is about ceating healthy emotional limits. I’m not the owner of other’s feelings,worries or reactions. It’s not my job to fix them or to make life better or easier for anyone else. I want to love and be healthy so i will let others fix themselves. It’s not my job to fix others. Having boundaries means allowing emotional maturity to allow only the things that matter and shut down the rest. It brings around healthy growth for you and makes it easier to allow other healthier people.
Boundary violators will always be there,not everyone is healthy or emotional matured and you can’t make them. You shouldn’t lower your boundaries to allow others who don’t have them. With forming healthy boundaries,you won’t allow yourself to be triggered by other peoples problems.
I had this friend who became so mad at me for forming boundaries. When i explained to her how she was violating my boundaries,she called me selfish and insensitive because i did not allow myself to view at things from her angle. She wanted to manipulate me for having boundaries which she didn’t like.
As a boundary violator,she couldn’t accept the fact that i have personal boundaries that she shouldn’t cross. She wanted me to allow her in my space ,to destroy me and leave me guilty for extending my boundaries. Healthy people do not have a problem with setting boundaries. You have to say no to what does not align with your values,to say yes to what does. Boundaries assist me to remain healthy,honest and living a life that is true to me.
purenicenes 